Winter

Michigan was hit with a blizzard this week. It's horrible, snow everywhere, extreme cold, driving conditions terrible, etc. Snow always makes me feel incredibly isolated, lonely, contrite, and reflective. I have been constantly reminded of Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening:"

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Here comes the reflective part. Motivation is hard to find within oneself during times such as these. I suppose for some people motivation is hard to locate at any time, however, I have traditionally never had an issue with feeling motivated or locating my drive to do well. Perhaps it is the snow, which makes me not want to drive anywhere, that is preventing my from studying; from working a little harder to achieve the things I so desperately want from life. However, I could easily study at my house, I simply choose not to. I firmly believe that grounding oneself among realistic goals is really all you need to succeed; that and the motivation to achieve said goals. Immersion in music and scholarship has become an outlet for me in the past four years, and tonight it's unfortunately not working as a catalyst in any way. Feelings of regret wash over me, which disgusts me in ways that few can imagine. Yet, they are there, persistent as little daggers. We all garner thoughts enough to instill us with a sense of restlessness and un-accomplishment, and it's probably best to let those feelings run their course, rather than continuing to push harder or using an escape hatch. Solution?

Reading Proust and a new novel by Tobias Hill.